I worry that people don't take me seriously. I know my close friends do, but I don't think the vast majority of people do. They see this cute girl who bounces around in dresses and doesn't seem to have a worry in her head. And I know I might perpetuate this image at times because I do like acting friendly and bubbly. But I can definitely be serious and I do have many worthwhile thoughts in my head. I am a smart girl! So many boys are interested in me. I am so worried that they only see me as this piece of ass--someone who isn't going to amount to much, but is fun to mess around with. There aren't a lot of pretty girls in film, really. I get booty calls at least 3 nights a week. I am very flattered that people find me pretty, but I really want to be seen as a serious film student at the same time.
I am too nice also. I feel like I have been such a big person about so many things lately. I suck it up and put my feelings aside for the good of other people because I am too nice of a person and too good of a friend. But that doesn't ever get me anywhere. I know I can't change. I'm never going to be a bitch. I am always going to apologize first because I don't feel staying mad is never worth it and I hate being in fights more than anything. Today I helped out a friend who was chosen as a directing finalist in tossing around some script ideas. It was a bit painful for me to discuss the scripts, as I was not one of the chosen candidates. But I want to give her the best chance possible, so when she asked me if I'd help her, of course, I said yes. I am very happy for her. But now I kind of feel sad for myself right now. Discussing the scripts, reminded me again just how much I wanted this opportunity to prove myself.
The faculty apparently sees nothing worthwhile about me. I feel like I have so much potential and no one ever notices. I am invisible. I wish I'd just blow away with the wind.
Sore & Apprehensive
I have been trying to get back into an exercise routine. It is tough business. I am extremely sore right now. I worked out on the machine where you lift weights using your inner thighs. And now they hurt like hell. I am hobbling around the house. Its quite comical actually....or would be if it didn't hurt.
Today I also played racquetball, which is way more fun than I realized! I am excited to go back and try it again. I think I started catching onto it by the end. Its quite different from tennis, which I am used to.
Last night was laser tag with the sorority. It was a pretty fun outing! I took this boy named Scully. Not to be confused with Colin Scully. This is a new Scully. He is nice. He is a roommate of my friend BWin, one of the editors on Sugar Rush.
So, I don't think I am going to be able to go to Troy Camp this year....its really sad. I got this cool opportunity working on a film set during May/June and its too cool of an opportunity to give up! I am quite sad really. I feel like I have been getting less and less involved in Troy Camp and that really isn't how I want things to be. But life is just so hectic with all my film stuff. I wish I could do it all, but I can't. And I have to put my career first. I'm worried that people will think its because I don't want to see Jimmy or that I was only doing Troy Camp because he was in it. But neither of those are the case. Oh well.
So they post the long list of 480 directors tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, but kind of not. I don't think I am going to get picked. I did at first, but our TA didn't seem to act like my 475 was very good, so I'm thinking that I probably won't get picked. I'm kind of terrified actually of getting picked. It might be a relief to not get picked. But then again, it is like the easy way out....it'll prevent me from having to face my fears...which is never a good thing. Pitching is scary business! So I guess we'll see what happens. I will be working at the 9-0 when the list gets posted. But either way I'll know, since I'm sure if I get bbms or texts from friends that will mean I got it...and if I don't, then it means I didn't.
Today I also played racquetball, which is way more fun than I realized! I am excited to go back and try it again. I think I started catching onto it by the end. Its quite different from tennis, which I am used to.
Last night was laser tag with the sorority. It was a pretty fun outing! I took this boy named Scully. Not to be confused with Colin Scully. This is a new Scully. He is nice. He is a roommate of my friend BWin, one of the editors on Sugar Rush.
So, I don't think I am going to be able to go to Troy Camp this year....its really sad. I got this cool opportunity working on a film set during May/June and its too cool of an opportunity to give up! I am quite sad really. I feel like I have been getting less and less involved in Troy Camp and that really isn't how I want things to be. But life is just so hectic with all my film stuff. I wish I could do it all, but I can't. And I have to put my career first. I'm worried that people will think its because I don't want to see Jimmy or that I was only doing Troy Camp because he was in it. But neither of those are the case. Oh well.
So they post the long list of 480 directors tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, but kind of not. I don't think I am going to get picked. I did at first, but our TA didn't seem to act like my 475 was very good, so I'm thinking that I probably won't get picked. I'm kind of terrified actually of getting picked. It might be a relief to not get picked. But then again, it is like the easy way out....it'll prevent me from having to face my fears...which is never a good thing. Pitching is scary business! So I guess we'll see what happens. I will be working at the 9-0 when the list gets posted. But either way I'll know, since I'm sure if I get bbms or texts from friends that will mean I got it...and if I don't, then it means I didn't.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me NOT
Somehow I always seem to be the center for information and knowledge. I get the random calls and texts from my friends about our film projects....When is the directing project due? How should I format my resume? What time is the meeting? Etc. In addition to the scholarly stuff, I also seem to be a person whom people feel comfortable talking to and relaying information to. I like this role, I like helping people. Sometimes it can be troubling though. I worry that I am giving the best form of advice to people. I know that everyone is different and everyone has different needs in terms of forms of advice. I try to adapt to each friend and be what they need me to be at that particular moment. Whether its advice on something major, or a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen to all the thoughts roaming around in their heads.
Sometimes I have to say things that people don't want to hear. That is hard. I have this friend who has been in a troubling relationship for months upon months now. And she just will not give it up. Its the most frustrating thing in the world! I have to counsel her all the time and she still does not see what a bad situation this is. I know that breaking up is hard to do, but if things are bad for a certain amount of time, you just have to be realistic in knowing that they aren't ever going to go back to how they were. Relationships are supposed to be fun! And when they aren't, then they need to end! Relationships shouldn't be that hard!
I am listening to a friend obsess over her ex/current boyfriend (I have lost track) at this very moment. She wants me to tell her that he is still in love with her, but I don't think I can do that. I don't like insisting things that I don't know for sure are true. I don't get girls' hopes up just to make them feel better, I can reassure them that they will find love again. But I'm not going to make up stories about how their boy will definitely come crawling back to them. I am a complete realist about matters of the heart, and I don't think it helps to initiate false hopes in people. Sometimes the truth stinks. But I'd rather hear a stinky truth than a falsity.
Girls are so silly sometimes. I don't get it. For some reason, I have a feeling that my mind works different than a lot of girls my age. I react to things so much differently, I don't obsess over boys or over-analyze what to text to them. I just do it, and I feel confident in my decision without having to ask a gaggle of other girls first. Its funny, because I am so girly in some ways, and so un-girly in others!
Sometimes I have to say things that people don't want to hear. That is hard. I have this friend who has been in a troubling relationship for months upon months now. And she just will not give it up. Its the most frustrating thing in the world! I have to counsel her all the time and she still does not see what a bad situation this is. I know that breaking up is hard to do, but if things are bad for a certain amount of time, you just have to be realistic in knowing that they aren't ever going to go back to how they were. Relationships are supposed to be fun! And when they aren't, then they need to end! Relationships shouldn't be that hard!
I am listening to a friend obsess over her ex/current boyfriend (I have lost track) at this very moment. She wants me to tell her that he is still in love with her, but I don't think I can do that. I don't like insisting things that I don't know for sure are true. I don't get girls' hopes up just to make them feel better, I can reassure them that they will find love again. But I'm not going to make up stories about how their boy will definitely come crawling back to them. I am a complete realist about matters of the heart, and I don't think it helps to initiate false hopes in people. Sometimes the truth stinks. But I'd rather hear a stinky truth than a falsity.
Girls are so silly sometimes. I don't get it. For some reason, I have a feeling that my mind works different than a lot of girls my age. I react to things so much differently, I don't obsess over boys or over-analyze what to text to them. I just do it, and I feel confident in my decision without having to ask a gaggle of other girls first. Its funny, because I am so girly in some ways, and so un-girly in others!
Meet the Crew....
My perception of time this semester has been so incredibly off. I hardly remember what happened when. I guess that is what happens when you are incredibly busy with school. All you can do is worry about what is due the next day and as soon as you finish one assignment and turn it in, you immediately forget about it and start working on the next to-do item. It might seem like an un-enjoyable situation, but I actually really like being kept super busy. Rushing from one place to the next. Of course, a lazy weekend is always appreciated from time to time. But I dislike having too much downtime. I love feeling productive and when I have nothing to do, I can't be productive!
Anyways, we finished editing for Sugar Rush! That is the big news of this week. So that is very exciting. I don't have too much to do for the movie during the post process. I just pop in from time and time down in the basement to see how my boys are doing with editing. I am kind of sad that it is all coming to a close. I really do love our crew. Even though the director, Mike, often drove me crazy from time to time with his optimism (I had to be the realist)...I still think he is a fabulous guy and I enjoyed working with him. He is such a kooky guy haha, he always looks completely high in pictures and has this dorky laugh that is contagious, it totally cracks me up. We had a lot of characters on our crew though.
In addition to Mike, there was Harkins (he has a first name but no one uses it), one of the DPs, who rarely opens his mouth, except to utter catchphrases such as "rough dude, rough." Everyone has fun mimicking his silly sayings. He is the one person who I didn't really get to know too well, but I have a feeling not many people get a chance to know him very well! Marcus, was our other DP, and he is much more communicative. He had a mohawk for the duration of the shoot and is an unusual guy, but can be unexpectedly sweet. We fight from time to time, but we always make up.
Corbin & Zach are our producers. Corbin is a nut, but a lovable one. He is so proud of his 310 film, its comical. Everyone in film production knows about how he flipped a car for his film. He always goes all out and puts the most he can into things, which is nice. He is a really hard worker and I love people who commit themselves completely to things. Whereas Corbin dealt with the people side of producing, Zach dealt with the budget and money issues. He surprised me a lot during the filming of Sugar Rush. I had never seen him act so serious or mature before. I knew him from 310 and he seemed like a goofy guy, but he definitely knows how to turn on his serious side and get down to business.
I love our production designers as well--Matt & Cali. Their interactions are hilarious. They have come to behave just like brother and sister. Its quite cute. Matt is amazing. He is a freshmen, but no one on the faculty knows it! He never says no to anything Mike requests, he finds a way to do ANYTHING. He is like this bad-ass carpenter boy. He always wears a wife beater and combat type boots. And during the filming of the action sequences, could be guaranteed to be covered in a good amount of fake blood. I would chase him around with towels and napkins. Even though he is amazingly talented, he also was constantly leaving his bloody shirts on the ground and creating messes. But we can't all be perfect! Cali was the only other girl on the crew. She is from England but ditches her accent when she is in the states. She has a real knack for production design and that is her desired career path, so she is right where she wants to be! It worked out really nicely because Matt was great at building stuff and Cali was great at decorating and props so together they were like this unstoppable force!
For sound we had Matt and John. Matt is a nice guy, he assistant directed before so he was always giving me tips on how to better run the set and schedule days more efficiently. He was a big help to me. John is fabulous as well. He is this super tall guy, basically destined to hold a boom mic. He is kind of a goofy ball but has great taste in music and very down to earth. He even let us film at his family home in Palos Verdes. The sound guys were my favorite because they were always ready to go. An AD's dream :)
Then lastly we have the editors--Alan and Brian. Alan is a very sweet guy. He records his own music for fun and his voice on CD will shock you! He was always trying to get Mike to cut down on shots, which I appreciated. He is also in my Writing 340 class and is a frequent guest at Friday's G Phi Brunch. He is like the funniest drunk ever. Brian is a character. He is another one who is constantly mimicked for his odd speech pattern and optimistic, go-getter vocabulary. He is also like the most flirtatious boy I have ever met. But a ton of fun. He sometimes comes off as a douche bag but can be very good to his friends. He critiqued and color corrected my entire 475 directing project. It was a big help! Unfortunately, he does seem to be one of those guys who completely forgets about everyone else in his life when he gets a girlfriend....he hasn't been as fun since. But its probably good for him. He normally has a 2 date rule and now it seems that he is finally falling into an actual relationship. Even though casual dating can be fun, I think its important to experience real relationships. So I think this is a good experience for him.
Oh my, I have written a lot and haven't even realized it! The funny thing is that I feel like I barely glazed over the people! I could write much, much more. But I suppose I should call it a day here.
Anyways, we finished editing for Sugar Rush! That is the big news of this week. So that is very exciting. I don't have too much to do for the movie during the post process. I just pop in from time and time down in the basement to see how my boys are doing with editing. I am kind of sad that it is all coming to a close. I really do love our crew. Even though the director, Mike, often drove me crazy from time to time with his optimism (I had to be the realist)...I still think he is a fabulous guy and I enjoyed working with him. He is such a kooky guy haha, he always looks completely high in pictures and has this dorky laugh that is contagious, it totally cracks me up. We had a lot of characters on our crew though.
In addition to Mike, there was Harkins (he has a first name but no one uses it), one of the DPs, who rarely opens his mouth, except to utter catchphrases such as "rough dude, rough." Everyone has fun mimicking his silly sayings. He is the one person who I didn't really get to know too well, but I have a feeling not many people get a chance to know him very well! Marcus, was our other DP, and he is much more communicative. He had a mohawk for the duration of the shoot and is an unusual guy, but can be unexpectedly sweet. We fight from time to time, but we always make up.
Corbin & Zach are our producers. Corbin is a nut, but a lovable one. He is so proud of his 310 film, its comical. Everyone in film production knows about how he flipped a car for his film. He always goes all out and puts the most he can into things, which is nice. He is a really hard worker and I love people who commit themselves completely to things. Whereas Corbin dealt with the people side of producing, Zach dealt with the budget and money issues. He surprised me a lot during the filming of Sugar Rush. I had never seen him act so serious or mature before. I knew him from 310 and he seemed like a goofy guy, but he definitely knows how to turn on his serious side and get down to business.
I love our production designers as well--Matt & Cali. Their interactions are hilarious. They have come to behave just like brother and sister. Its quite cute. Matt is amazing. He is a freshmen, but no one on the faculty knows it! He never says no to anything Mike requests, he finds a way to do ANYTHING. He is like this bad-ass carpenter boy. He always wears a wife beater and combat type boots. And during the filming of the action sequences, could be guaranteed to be covered in a good amount of fake blood. I would chase him around with towels and napkins. Even though he is amazingly talented, he also was constantly leaving his bloody shirts on the ground and creating messes. But we can't all be perfect! Cali was the only other girl on the crew. She is from England but ditches her accent when she is in the states. She has a real knack for production design and that is her desired career path, so she is right where she wants to be! It worked out really nicely because Matt was great at building stuff and Cali was great at decorating and props so together they were like this unstoppable force!
For sound we had Matt and John. Matt is a nice guy, he assistant directed before so he was always giving me tips on how to better run the set and schedule days more efficiently. He was a big help to me. John is fabulous as well. He is this super tall guy, basically destined to hold a boom mic. He is kind of a goofy ball but has great taste in music and very down to earth. He even let us film at his family home in Palos Verdes. The sound guys were my favorite because they were always ready to go. An AD's dream :)
Then lastly we have the editors--Alan and Brian. Alan is a very sweet guy. He records his own music for fun and his voice on CD will shock you! He was always trying to get Mike to cut down on shots, which I appreciated. He is also in my Writing 340 class and is a frequent guest at Friday's G Phi Brunch. He is like the funniest drunk ever. Brian is a character. He is another one who is constantly mimicked for his odd speech pattern and optimistic, go-getter vocabulary. He is also like the most flirtatious boy I have ever met. But a ton of fun. He sometimes comes off as a douche bag but can be very good to his friends. He critiqued and color corrected my entire 475 directing project. It was a big help! Unfortunately, he does seem to be one of those guys who completely forgets about everyone else in his life when he gets a girlfriend....he hasn't been as fun since. But its probably good for him. He normally has a 2 date rule and now it seems that he is finally falling into an actual relationship. Even though casual dating can be fun, I think its important to experience real relationships. So I think this is a good experience for him.
Oh my, I have written a lot and haven't even realized it! The funny thing is that I feel like I barely glazed over the people! I could write much, much more. But I suppose I should call it a day here.
Spring Break
So Spring Break was a much needed relief from the craziness of school. Things have been a bit screwed up lately...my actions keep seeming to be misconstrued. But what can you do. I am what I am.
I don't know how the break managed to speed by so quickly. I spent the first half of it at home mostly or with Asha. I also spent a day at SXSW watching some films. Ma didn't take off work so I hardly saw her at all :(
Then on Wednesday, my friend's band came into town. They were all staying at our house while they played at SXSW. We went downtown a whole bunch and they got me in through the back door to see a bunch of music shows for free. It was pretty sweet! I felt like I was in Almost Famous or something. Everyone was so chill backstage and it was interesting seeing it all up close! To make things even more fun, Lucy and Justin were in town as well! I was excited to introduce Lucy to my fam!
I had only seen Dizzy Balloon perform once before, but they really are talented, fun to watch guys! I can't get over how much they move while on stage. None of the guys are ever standing still...well I guess Louie is kind of still because he is at the drums. But Joey on keyboard even manages to bounce around as he plays. Petros who sings is absolutely adorable! If you have never heard them, you should definitely check out their album. Its really fun...I like every song on it, which is rare!
I was bad and tanned and got sunburned too! Ugh, I better not get skin cancer.
I don't know how the break managed to speed by so quickly. I spent the first half of it at home mostly or with Asha. I also spent a day at SXSW watching some films. Ma didn't take off work so I hardly saw her at all :(
Then on Wednesday, my friend's band came into town. They were all staying at our house while they played at SXSW. We went downtown a whole bunch and they got me in through the back door to see a bunch of music shows for free. It was pretty sweet! I felt like I was in Almost Famous or something. Everyone was so chill backstage and it was interesting seeing it all up close! To make things even more fun, Lucy and Justin were in town as well! I was excited to introduce Lucy to my fam!
I had only seen Dizzy Balloon perform once before, but they really are talented, fun to watch guys! I can't get over how much they move while on stage. None of the guys are ever standing still...well I guess Louie is kind of still because he is at the drums. But Joey on keyboard even manages to bounce around as he plays. Petros who sings is absolutely adorable! If you have never heard them, you should definitely check out their album. Its really fun...I like every song on it, which is rare!
I was bad and tanned and got sunburned too! Ugh, I better not get skin cancer.
Pretty How Town
I finally uploaded Pretty How Town to YouTube! Check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGJxnHW3S44&feature=channel_page
Director: Lucy Wells
Cinematographer: Lauren Gabel (Me!)
Its kind of sad that it has taken me literally 3 months to upload it....but this is probably how busy my life will be from here on out! I don't mind :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGJxnHW3S44&feature=channel_page
Director: Lucy Wells
Cinematographer: Lauren Gabel (Me!)
Its kind of sad that it has taken me literally 3 months to upload it....but this is probably how busy my life will be from here on out! I don't mind :)
The Semester Midpoint
Gosh, so much has happened!
We finished filming for one! It was a long haul but we made it!!!! I think the movie is going to turn out really funny, we seem to have gotten good material. I love our crew, even though filming every weekend as long and stressful, I really did have a good time. There are only two girls on the crew and one of which is a production designer and would often be off buying stuff while we were filming, so I was usually the only female crew member. But it was kinda fun being with all the boys! We were joking on set constantly...it was a great experience.
Sadly, as I was filming, I had to miss 2 Troy Camp kids events! I was really sad, but I finally got to go to my first kids event of the semester--career day! It was a blast. There was a film production station and I told the kids all about my major and afterwards they became obsessed with making little films from common fairytales and filming them. Andrea, one of my favorite campers, was the director and she'd tell Jimmy what to film with his camcorder. They had a blast.
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