A decent day

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Today was pretty good. We had Christine Lahti the actress/director come to our directing class and direct some of the actors in scenes. It was really interesting seeing her work and she had a lot of really great ideas to help perfect the scene. After class, I had my semester conference with Jennifer. I really love that woman. She is just so interested in her students and I feel that she truly has their best interest at heart and is always going out of her way to help us. We went over my production book and then we just talked. She told me that she had really pushed for me and that she was sorry I didn't get a chance to pitch. She said some of the stuff the guys would bring in was just so difficult to compete with. I know its all true, but that is just never going to be my style. I'm not edgy and experimental. I like good characters and a good story. That's it. We talked about Roham for like 15 minutes. She really likes him and is annoyed that Linda is ruining his chances. We talked about how talented he is and how much he deserves the chance at directing. I then talked to her about loving 480. I love being on set and the crew feeling.

I asked Daddy for more money today. I felt horrible asking, but I spent so much on my recent film project! I asked for a hundred and he wrote back saying "I was gonna say 200. But how about we just round it to 500. You work so hard and I am so proud of you." I wrote back telling him he had made my day! To which he responded, "well you have made my life :)"

In the evening I just mostly did work and wasted time on facebook. I think I did some productive stuff tho.

I really wish I could get myself to start writing. I need to get myself in the habit of writing!

life sucks sometimes, and other times it all works out...

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Last week wasn't too great. I had a hard week from finding out I didn't make director to all the boy drama. Two of my friends dropped out of the director race. I am sad they aren't at least giving it a go. They took one of the coveted slots and now they aren't even pitching. Oh well. I guess if I hadn't found a script I felt passionate about it would be difficult to try to act enthusiastic in front of the faculty.

This week has been gruelling, but somehow everything has worked out. I filmed my 475 final directing project last night. I was so stressed leading up to it. I was freaking out about the location, about my actors awful performances, figuring out if I could get it on a medium to edit, etc. Monday night I couldn't sleep because I was so stressed. But somehow things seemed to fall together. After 3 rehearsals, I felt like the actors were finally figuring things out. I didn't feel they were really right for the parts, but it wasn't a train wreck. The hours leading up to the shoot I was freaking out. I was super nervous. I ran around a bit collecting equipment and then had to drive up to Palos Verdes to meet John, whose house we were going to film at. On the way up, he tells me that he found this perfect house for me to film at that would prevent us from having to move locations. Their backyard turned out to be absolutely FABULOUS. It was so gorgeous, overlooking a cliff with the city spread out behind it. So they boys set up the first scene and it looks great, really dynamic and interesting.

We had a minor setback when we learned that the boom mic was broken! Ahhh! I was freaking out. I called my friend Ken who also does sound for 480. He told me he had passed the kit off to Adrian his partner, but managed to get a hold of Adrian who was willing to let me use the kit. So then I call Sonya and beg her to drive it up for me. She graciously agreed. She was supposed to have a meeting with the producer for her music video, Tyler. I told her she should have their meeting while driving up to see me....they could even ride in the carpool lane then! She agreed. I absolutely love her.

The scene went really well. I didn't give too many directions and felt like I wasn't doing much. But the boys kind of took over and decided what it was that we needed. I should have been a little more vocal, but I felt a tad intimidated by their amazingness...and was shy to say too much. I know that isn't how I should be, but I trusted them a lot and I figured the actors weren't going to improve much after all this time of working with them. They were doing fine and I just gave them a few notes here and there. At one point Roham asked me if he could give them a direction and told them something that I had been trying to get them to do for ages on our last practice and was quite difficult....they did it slightly better.

I was really paranoid by the end of the shoot because when we were setting up for the second scene this grumpy neighbor lady yelled at us telling us to be quiet. We tried really hard to be as quiet as possible, but I was soooo paranoid that she was going to call the cops that I rushed things along at a very quick pace, not really paying as much attention to performance as I perfect should have (this was when Roham jumped in).
Oh well I will try to be a little more bold and less worried next time!

Roham was so fabulous through this whole thing. I really can't believe he did all this for me. On the way home, at like 3AM, he scratched my head softly as I drove. I should have been doing that for him...he did most of the hard work! Then he held my hand, and it felt so nice...just what I needed after a stressful week.

I didn't get home til almost 4AM and had to wake up at 8AM to go work on Sonya's music video. At the first location I got to be an extra in her music video as a patron watching a concert. Then I went and did a bit of Production Design for her at another location. It was really fun. The music vid part had tons of people there! And they even had this crazy jib arm thing!

Now I am quite tired and have to settle down and work on my stupid writing 340 paper and production design project. ICK.

Plays, Strippers, and More

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So last night Roham invited me to go see this play that his friend was in. It was called Into the Pines and was at the blackbox on campus. USC's blackbox is really tiny. Ours at Westlake was much nicer. Going to see the play made me nostalgic for high school when I got to participate in all the shows. I really loved doing theatre. Its a shame that I can't participate in acting any more....but film production is just so grueling!

After the show, a group of us went to Santa Monica to this bar. It was pretty fun. We all danced and had a nice time. But then another friend showed up, and I guess he got mad because I was dancing with another friend. So that whole situation was just awkward. I felt like property. Some prize to be won. Not like I even had a say in things! It felt very awkward for me, especially since no one was talking to me about what was going on. It was all being dealt with by the boys.

After that we went to this strip club. It was surprisingly fun. Kind of random. But I had never done it before and I love new experiences! One of the strippers came over and started talking to us. Her name was Monique. She is 25 and she told us she has a 9 year old son! She talked about how he doesn't know what she does for a living, he thinks she goes and sells drinks each night. When she comes home, he asks her, "did you sell a lot of drinks tonight, mommy?" I love kids. Isn't the innocence so sweet. I wish we could all stay like that forever. Not get all caught up in the craziness of the adult world. Everything was so much simpler back then, and pleasure was so easy to come by. Monique told me I was really pretty and invited me up on stage! Luckily I was sobering up and I had enough sense to say no thanks.

Later when I was waiting in line for the restroom, I met this producer guy. He told me that he worked on Marley and Me and Superbad, which is cool. He tried to get me to go into the bathroom with him and do coke, but of course, I graciously declined :) Crazy entertainment people! I wonder if these are the sorts I will always be dealing with....

Seriously.

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I worry that people don't take me seriously. I know my close friends do, but I don't think the vast majority of people do. They see this cute girl who bounces around in dresses and doesn't seem to have a worry in her head. And I know I might perpetuate this image at times because I do like acting friendly and bubbly. But I can definitely be serious and I do have many worthwhile thoughts in my head. I am a smart girl! So many boys are interested in me. I am so worried that they only see me as this piece of ass--someone who isn't going to amount to much, but is fun to mess around with. There aren't a lot of pretty girls in film, really. I get booty calls at least 3 nights a week. I am very flattered that people find me pretty, but I really want to be seen as a serious film student at the same time.

I am too nice also. I feel like I have been such a big person about so many things lately. I suck it up and put my feelings aside for the good of other people because I am too nice of a person and too good of a friend. But that doesn't ever get me anywhere. I know I can't change. I'm never going to be a bitch. I am always going to apologize first because I don't feel staying mad is never worth it and I hate being in fights more than anything. Today I helped out a friend who was chosen as a directing finalist in tossing around some script ideas. It was a bit painful for me to discuss the scripts, as I was not one of the chosen candidates. But I want to give her the best chance possible, so when she asked me if I'd help her, of course, I said yes. I am very happy for her. But now I kind of feel sad for myself right now. Discussing the scripts, reminded me again just how much I wanted this opportunity to prove myself.

The faculty apparently sees nothing worthwhile about me. I feel like I have so much potential and no one ever notices. I am invisible. I wish I'd just blow away with the wind.

Sore & Apprehensive

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I have been trying to get back into an exercise routine. It is tough business. I am extremely sore right now. I worked out on the machine where you lift weights using your inner thighs. And now they hurt like hell. I am hobbling around the house. Its quite comical actually....or would be if it didn't hurt.

Today I also played racquetball, which is way more fun than I realized! I am excited to go back and try it again. I think I started catching onto it by the end. Its quite different from tennis, which I am used to.

Last night was laser tag with the sorority. It was a pretty fun outing! I took this boy named Scully. Not to be confused with Colin Scully. This is a new Scully. He is nice. He is a roommate of my friend BWin, one of the editors on Sugar Rush.

So, I don't think I am going to be able to go to Troy Camp this year....its really sad. I got this cool opportunity working on a film set during May/June and its too cool of an opportunity to give up! I am quite sad really. I feel like I have been getting less and less involved in Troy Camp and that really isn't how I want things to be. But life is just so hectic with all my film stuff. I wish I could do it all, but I can't. And I have to put my career first. I'm worried that people will think its because I don't want to see Jimmy or that I was only doing Troy Camp because he was in it. But neither of those are the case. Oh well.

So they post the long list of 480 directors tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, but kind of not. I don't think I am going to get picked. I did at first, but our TA didn't seem to act like my 475 was very good, so I'm thinking that I probably won't get picked. I'm kind of terrified actually of getting picked. It might be a relief to not get picked. But then again, it is like the easy way out....it'll prevent me from having to face my fears...which is never a good thing. Pitching is scary business! So I guess we'll see what happens. I will be working at the 9-0 when the list gets posted. But either way I'll know, since I'm sure if I get bbms or texts from friends that will mean I got it...and if I don't, then it means I didn't.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me NOT

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Somehow I always seem to be the center for information and knowledge. I get the random calls and texts from my friends about our film projects....When is the directing project due? How should I format my resume? What time is the meeting? Etc. In addition to the scholarly stuff, I also seem to be a person whom people feel comfortable talking to and relaying information to. I like this role, I like helping people. Sometimes it can be troubling though. I worry that I am giving the best form of advice to people. I know that everyone is different and everyone has different needs in terms of forms of advice. I try to adapt to each friend and be what they need me to be at that particular moment. Whether its advice on something major, or a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen to all the thoughts roaming around in their heads.

Sometimes I have to say things that people don't want to hear. That is hard. I have this friend who has been in a troubling relationship for months upon months now. And she just will not give it up. Its the most frustrating thing in the world! I have to counsel her all the time and she still does not see what a bad situation this is. I know that breaking up is hard to do, but if things are bad for a certain amount of time, you just have to be realistic in knowing that they aren't ever going to go back to how they were. Relationships are supposed to be fun! And when they aren't, then they need to end! Relationships shouldn't be that hard!

I am listening to a friend obsess over her ex/current boyfriend (I have lost track) at this very moment. She wants me to tell her that he is still in love with her, but I don't think I can do that. I don't like insisting things that I don't know for sure are true. I don't get girls' hopes up just to make them feel better, I can reassure them that they will find love again. But I'm not going to make up stories about how their boy will definitely come crawling back to them. I am a complete realist about matters of the heart, and I don't think it helps to initiate false hopes in people. Sometimes the truth stinks. But I'd rather hear a stinky truth than a falsity.

Girls are so silly sometimes. I don't get it. For some reason, I have a feeling that my mind works different than a lot of girls my age. I react to things so much differently, I don't obsess over boys or over-analyze what to text to them. I just do it, and I feel confident in my decision without having to ask a gaggle of other girls first. Its funny, because I am so girly in some ways, and so un-girly in others!

Meet the Crew....

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My perception of time this semester has been so incredibly off. I hardly remember what happened when. I guess that is what happens when you are incredibly busy with school. All you can do is worry about what is due the next day and as soon as you finish one assignment and turn it in, you immediately forget about it and start working on the next to-do item. It might seem like an un-enjoyable situation, but I actually really like being kept super busy. Rushing from one place to the next. Of course, a lazy weekend is always appreciated from time to time. But I dislike having too much downtime. I love feeling productive and when I have nothing to do, I can't be productive!

Anyways, we finished editing for Sugar Rush! That is the big news of this week. So that is very exciting. I don't have too much to do for the movie during the post process. I just pop in from time and time down in the basement to see how my boys are doing with editing. I am kind of sad that it is all coming to a close. I really do love our crew. Even though the director, Mike, often drove me crazy from time to time with his optimism (I had to be the realist)...I still think he is a fabulous guy and I enjoyed working with him. He is such a kooky guy haha, he always looks completely high in pictures and has this dorky laugh that is contagious, it totally cracks me up. We had a lot of characters on our crew though.



In addition to Mike, there was Harkins (he has a first name but no one uses it), one of the DPs, who rarely opens his mouth, except to utter catchphrases such as "rough dude, rough." Everyone has fun mimicking his silly sayings. He is the one person who I didn't really get to know too well, but I have a feeling not many people get a chance to know him very well! Marcus, was our other DP, and he is much more communicative. He had a mohawk for the duration of the shoot and is an unusual guy, but can be unexpectedly sweet. We fight from time to time, but we always make up.




Corbin & Zach are our producers. Corbin is a nut, but a lovable one. He is so proud of his 310 film, its comical. Everyone in film production knows about how he flipped a car for his film. He always goes all out and puts the most he can into things, which is nice. He is a really hard worker and I love people who commit themselves completely to things. Whereas Corbin dealt with the people side of producing, Zach dealt with the budget and money issues. He surprised me a lot during the filming of Sugar Rush. I had never seen him act so serious or mature before. I knew him from 310 and he seemed like a goofy guy, but he definitely knows how to turn on his serious side and get down to business.



I love our production designers as well--Matt & Cali. Their interactions are hilarious. They have come to behave just like brother and sister. Its quite cute. Matt is amazing. He is a freshmen, but no one on the faculty knows it! He never says no to anything Mike requests, he finds a way to do ANYTHING. He is like this bad-ass carpenter boy. He always wears a wife beater and combat type boots. And during the filming of the action sequences, could be guaranteed to be covered in a good amount of fake blood. I would chase him around with towels and napkins. Even though he is amazingly talented, he also was constantly leaving his bloody shirts on the ground and creating messes. But we can't all be perfect! Cali was the only other girl on the crew. She is from England but ditches her accent when she is in the states. She has a real knack for production design and that is her desired career path, so she is right where she wants to be! It worked out really nicely because Matt was great at building stuff and Cali was great at decorating and props so together they were like this unstoppable force!




For sound we had Matt and John. Matt is a nice guy, he assistant directed before so he was always giving me tips on how to better run the set and schedule days more efficiently. He was a big help to me. John is fabulous as well. He is this super tall guy, basically destined to hold a boom mic. He is kind of a goofy ball but has great taste in music and very down to earth. He even let us film at his family home in Palos Verdes. The sound guys were my favorite because they were always ready to go. An AD's dream :)



Then lastly we have the editors--Alan and Brian. Alan is a very sweet guy. He records his own music for fun and his voice on CD will shock you! He was always trying to get Mike to cut down on shots, which I appreciated. He is also in my Writing 340 class and is a frequent guest at Friday's G Phi Brunch. He is like the funniest drunk ever. Brian is a character. He is another one who is constantly mimicked for his odd speech pattern and optimistic, go-getter vocabulary. He is also like the most flirtatious boy I have ever met. But a ton of fun. He sometimes comes off as a douche bag but can be very good to his friends. He critiqued and color corrected my entire 475 directing project. It was a big help! Unfortunately, he does seem to be one of those guys who completely forgets about everyone else in his life when he gets a girlfriend....he hasn't been as fun since. But its probably good for him. He normally has a 2 date rule and now it seems that he is finally falling into an actual relationship. Even though casual dating can be fun, I think its important to experience real relationships. So I think this is a good experience for him.




Oh my, I have written a lot and haven't even realized it! The funny thing is that I feel like I barely glazed over the people! I could write much, much more. But I suppose I should call it a day here.

Spring Break

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So Spring Break was a much needed relief from the craziness of school. Things have been a bit screwed up lately...my actions keep seeming to be misconstrued. But what can you do. I am what I am.

I don't know how the break managed to speed by so quickly. I spent the first half of it at home mostly or with Asha. I also spent a day at SXSW watching some films. Ma didn't take off work so I hardly saw her at all :(

Then on Wednesday, my friend's band came into town. They were all staying at our house while they played at SXSW. We went downtown a whole bunch and they got me in through the back door to see a bunch of music shows for free. It was pretty sweet! I felt like I was in Almost Famous or something. Everyone was so chill backstage and it was interesting seeing it all up close! To make things even more fun, Lucy and Justin were in town as well! I was excited to introduce Lucy to my fam!

I had only seen Dizzy Balloon perform once before, but they really are talented, fun to watch guys! I can't get over how much they move while on stage. None of the guys are ever standing still...well I guess Louie is kind of still because he is at the drums. But Joey on keyboard even manages to bounce around as he plays. Petros who sings is absolutely adorable! If you have never heard them, you should definitely check out their album. Its really fun...I like every song on it, which is rare!

I was bad and tanned and got sunburned too! Ugh, I better not get skin cancer.